Grief is defined as “deep sorrow, especially that caused by someone's death.” If you or someone you know has dealt with grief you know that it is more than sorrow. Everyone deals with grief in a different way however everyone does go through the grieving process.
Five stages of grief: (Article explaining the stages more deeply if you're Interested)
1.Denial
2.Anger
3.Bargaining
4.Depression
5.Acceptance
(Some people argue that they are seven
stages of grief in the seven-step model shock comes first and testing is
between the testing stage is between depression and acceptance)
A few years ago, my best friend, Melanie Lawrence passed away at the age of twenty-two. Her death was sudden and a shock. I had a really hard time coping with her loss. Over the years handling the pain has gotten easier but it is still there. I dealt with so many emotions trying to accept what happened.
I wish I had all the answers but I will
share somethings that did help me with the grief process.
1. Allow yourself to feel. People mean well and
they will tell you to “stay strong”. I feel like staying strong is meant for
the acceptance phase. You have to allow yourself to cry, scream, feel those
feelings.
2. Reach out for help. I wasn’t able to handle all
of the feelings on my own, I started talking with a therapist and even went on
medication for a year after her death. The healing process isn’t a quick one
and it is okay to reach out to family, friends and professionals.
3. Honor their memory. You can honor their memory
by just thinking about them or doing something every year for them. Every year
on Melanie’s birthday I go outside and talk directly to her looking up at the
sky. I also take her favorite bottle of wine and pour it out on the grass for her.
This does cause me to cry every year but it does feel good to honor her memory.
4. Make sure you are taking care of your own needs.
Those feelings can sometimes be so intense that you can forget to take care of
yourself. Make sure you are still drinking water, eating meals and sleeping.
5. You don’t owe anyone anything. Melanie died at
such a young age and so suddenly that people did have questions, I received multiple
messages everyday from people I didn’t even know asking me what happened, at
first I felt obligated to tell people what happened but it became so
overwhelming that I talked to my therapist about it and she told me “You don’t owe
any of those people an explanation. You don’t have to message them back, the
really important people will know what happened, you are not responsible for
letting everyone know.”
6. Your feelings are normal and you’re not alone.
Although grief can push us to such a dark place that it feels like insanity,
those feelings are part of the grief process, you are not going crazy. It is
important to reach out to other people you are not alone in this process, there
are people who care about your feelings and will help in any way they can.
7. It comes in waves. Somedays are better than
others dealing with grief and somedays those feelings hit you so hard you feel
like you’ll never come up again. Remember when dealing with the bad days that
you won’t feel like this forever.
8. You are more than your trauma. You will survive
this pain; you will feel whole again someday. Your grief is a part of you but
not all of you. Keep going, keep trying.
9. They wouldn’t want you to feel this way. Your
loved one wouldn’t want you to feel so depressed that you couldn’t eat, they
would want you to enjoy your life. This also belongs in the acceptance phase
and is more easily said than done.
10.They are watching over you. If you believe in this
type of thinking there is some comfort in thinking that your loved one is
watching over you and protecting you. It also brings me some comfort thinking
they are watching over me because it’s like they didn’t truly leave.
I hope that my tips can help someone, and remember if you are fortunate
enough to have never dealt with grief personally to be kind, and offer help to
others who are dealing with grief. I didn’t promise that I had the answers and
the last thing I wanted to do with this list was offend anyone, I wish you luck
on your journey.
I
found an interesting video that talks about five things you didn’t know about
grief.
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