Tips on Giving Advice

Has your friend ever come to you for advice and you just didn’t know what to say? This happened to me the other day when my friend called after she got into an argument with her boyfriend. It would have been easy for me to tell her to just break up with that loser already but I know that wasn’t what she needed to hear in that moment. This argument wasn’t relationship ending worthy it was just worthy of a talk at a later date. I made a list of things that help me give advice to other people.

Tip one: Be present. Even if you’re feeling angry or upset at the situation put those emotions aside to avoid giving rash or rushed advice. If you need a few seconds to breathe take that time to center yourself.

Tip two: Put yourself in their shoes. Imagine yourself in the same position as your friend, what would you do if you were them? For example, my friend called me because of a disagreement between her and her boyfriend over housework. If you have ever lived with a significant other or even had a roommate this is a situation you’ve probably been in. I had to let my personal bias about her boyfriend go and think about a reasonable reaction to that situation.

Tip three: Listen. Sometimes when people are asking for help, they really just need someone to vent to. Also, this isn’t a debate, you aren’t expected to always have the answers, say what you feel comfortable saying.

Tip four: Keep it conversational. I know that it is easy to get emotional when someone close to you is going through something but your anger isn’t going to help the situation at the moment. Like I said before this isn’t a debate.

Tip five: Let them lead the conversation. It can be easy to go on and on about the situation because it feels like gossip to you at the time. If they keep talking about the situation keep offering advice and or keep active listening, and if they change the subject unless you just thought of the best idea ever, talk about the new topic.

Tip six: Remember whatever choice they make is up to them. You can offer advice on what they should do but try to not take it personally if things don’t work out the way you wanted them to.

Tip seven: Sometimes it’s best to divide and conquer. When someone who is clearly upset asks me for advice, I will tell them some sugar-coated advice and if the situation requires, I’ll call or text them again later or the next day when they have calmed down and offer the more real/tough love advice. There is no reason to kick someone who is already down.

Tip eight: Give them resources to connect with someone else. It could be something as simple as oh our mutual friend had the same problem last month maybe you should ask them. Sometimes when you think your friend should seek professional help it isn't always easy to tell someone that they should seek out professional help but that one awkward conversation could change their own life, it's worth mentioning it. 

Tip nine: Be realistic. Chances are if the person who is coming to you for advice you know this person pretty well. Give them advice that you think they could actually follow and is in their comfort zone this one is case by case. In some cases you might have to suggest something that is out of character for them but I would save that as a last resort effort but use your best judgement here.

Overall, giving advice can be a tricky road to navigate but I hope these tips can help you out the next time someone comes to you for support. Please let me know if you have any tips for giving advice!

Depression, Anxiety and Bipolar disorder.

     This week I want to shift gears a bit and talk about mental illnesses. The words mental health and mental illness are related however they not interchangeable. Mental health is about mental well-being & mental illness is an illness that affects the way people think, act, feel and or interact with others.

     I would like to talk about a few tips on spotting mental illnesses in our friends/family members and people we interact with. The three mental illnesses I will be showing the signs for are depression, anxiety and bipolar disorder. I think it’s important to know these signs in others to offer help and in some cases better understand what someone else is going through. I’m also going to talk about these mental illnesses that I have seen personally.

Depression- A mental health disorder characterized by persistently depressed mood or loss of interest in activities, causing significant impairment in daily life.

 

• Lack of energy or feeling tired all the time
• Restlessness and agitation
• Having difficulty sleeping (or sleeping more than usual)
• Change in appetite
• Smoking and/or drinking more than usual, or using drugs
• Lack of interest in sex
• Unexplained physical aches and pains
• Self-harming

 

On a personal note, I have been battling with depression my whole life, my mom told me she knows when I’m feeling down because I wouldn’t sing anymore, when I was a kid, I would sing all the time and when I was dealing with my depression, I didn’t have the energy to sing anymore. It could be something as small as that. Depression changes how people behave on a daily basis. I would also have such a lack of energy that I would stay in bed all day because I felt too tired and I would sleep for 12-15 hours at a time and would wake up not feeling rested.

 

Anxiety- A mental health disorder characterized by feelings of worry, anxiety, or fear that are strong enough to interfere with one's daily activities

 

· Excessive worrying

· Panic attacks

· Irritability

· Restlessness

· Fatigue

· Difficulty concentrating

· Tense muscles

· Trouble falling asleep and or staying asleep

· Avoiding social situations

 

Again speaking on a personal note I have been diagnosed with general anxiety disorder. Sometimes my worrying can be so excessive that I do something known as spiraling. I would be worried about an upcoming exam, which would lead to thoughts of failing the class, which would lead to having to drop out of university, which would lead to my family disowning me which I rationally knew wouldn’t happen but my anxiety made me believe it would happen, and finally resulting in thinking that I would become homeless and have to live on the streets. My fear of failing the test had grown so strong that it felt like a matter of life and death to pass that exam. My anxiety also makes me feel extremely irritated sometimes I get so irritated that I can’t even take a trip to the grocery store without hating the entire human population just because someone was walking too slowly or lingering in front of an item I needed to get.

 

Both depression and anxiety are feelings we all have but it is important to ask “Do these feelings effect my everyday life?” and when I say effect my everyday life I mean do these feelings stop or get in the way of performing tasks that I’ve successfully completed in the past with minimal effort. An example could be that a person with depression shows a lack of interest in activities, is that lack of interest so strong that the person isn’t just bored but they no longer get joy out of something that they recently enjoyed. Is the lack of interest so strong that person just stays in bed all day?  

 

Bipolar disorder- A disorder associated with episodes of mood swings ranging from depressive lows to manic highs.

- Manic and depressive episodes:

The word manic in this sense means feeling extremely good, so good that the person doesn’t sleep for days on end, makes reckless decisions etc.  

- Manic episode include three or more of these symptoms:

· Abnormally upbeat, jumpy or wired

· Increased activity, energy or agitation

· Exaggerated sense of well-being and self-confidence (euphoria)

· Decreased need for sleep

· Unusual talkativeness

· Racing thoughts

· Distractibility

-The depressive episodes show the signs of depression, strong enough to disrupt daily activities. These depressive episodes usually happen right after a manic episode, so this person goes from feeling on top of the world to the deepest lows.

 

A personal experience I have with bipolar there was a person close to me when I was a young child (I don’t want to expose them so I won’t say who) who was dealing with bipolar disorder and as a young child I didn’t know that this behavior was strange I just thought that is who they are. I would spend days with this person and some of the days were very go go go! We would go shopping and to the zoo and to the movies all in one day, and there were other days when they wouldn’t want to get out of bed and they would just put on cartoons for me and I would leave them alone, like I said as a young child I didn’t know going from one extreme to the other wasn’t a normal thing I just did whatever that person told me to do that day.

 

   Overall you aren’t alone in feeling these emotions and or knowing someone who has, open conversations about mental illnesses is one step forward to ending the stigma around mental illnesses.

Happy Hormones?!

 What is serotonin and dopamine and what causes the mind to release it?

Firstly, serotonin and dopamine are both neurotransmitters. According to Healthline” Neurotransmitters are chemical messengers used by the nervous system that regulate countless functions and processes in your body, from sleep to metabolism.” To that into simpler terms neurotransmitters are the communicators between neurons in the brain and other cells in the body.

Serotonin and dopamine are often referred to as “happy hormones” because when they are released it makes us feel good. Serotonin regulates mood and the sleep-wake cycle, and dopamine is connected to the feeling of pleasure.

After researching how to naturally boost your serotonin and dopamine levels and eliminating the websites that claim that essential oils cure all of the world’s problems here are the tips, I found most helpful.

1.      Try to get at least 30 minutes of sunshine every day. Absorbing sunshine gives you vitamin D which helps with energy levels and supports your immune system health.

2.      Practice gratitude. I know it’s easy to focus on the negatives but take a few minutes to think of the positive things in your life that you are thankful for. I’m thankful for my family, my friends and iced coffee.

3.      Eat carbs. Carbohydrates boost serotonin levels so go for that order of fries every so often! Life is all about moderation.

4.      Limit caffeine and alcohol. You don’t have to cut these out of your life completely again moderation is key but the crash from the temporary boost offered by caffeine and alcohol often leaves you feeling even worse than before.

5.      Get a good night’s sleep. Sleep is critical for mental health

6.      Listen to your favorite music, avoid the sad songs with this one put on your “pump up” song.

7.      Get a massage. A relaxed person is a happy person

8.      Exercise. Moving your body releases endorphins

 The most important tip of all is to do things you enjoy 😊 everyone is different and you know what works best for you! Remember you are in charge here!

Five tips on dealing with Loneliness

 Feeling lonely isn’t a great feeling, due to the pandemic people are keeping their social interactions to a bare minimum. It is normal to feel lonely every so often we are social creatures. I’ve made a list of five tips to help combat that feeling of loneliness.

  1.  Keep yourself busy.

 I’m guilty of feeling heavy emotions like loneliness.  and dwelling on them. Keeping yourself busy keeps your mind off of those heavy feelings. When I need to distract myself, I like to put on a movie or listen to a podcast. My favorite podcasts lately have been Sweet Boys  and Friemies

2.     Talk with a friend or family member on the phone.

I suggest calling them to feel more of a connection but if that isn’t your thing text messages or connecting on social media can also help. I try to connect with my best friend every day, this routine has increased the depth of our friendship and has built us both a strong support system.

3.      Join a club

Bradley offers a lot of clubs and activities that are meeting virtually. I was hesitant to join a club with my bust schedule but the new friends I’ve made along the way does help.

4.      Connect with others on social media

This is a good opportunity to connect with old friends and possibly make some new ones that have common interests with you. I joined an animal crossing group on facebook and I’ve made serval meaningful connections with strangers. Obviously be careful when talking to strangers online, use your best judgement and if things feel uncomfortable the block button is free!

5.       Realize that just because you are alone life can still be meaningful

There are many activities you can do by yourself! Just because you’re flying solo doesn’t mean that you have to stay in bed all day!

What actually is self-care?!

I’m sure you’ve heard the term “self-care” before but do you really know what it means?

Self-care can be defined as anything that you do for yourself to benefit your health.

I found an interesting article on self-care and I’ll link it here. The article talks about the same things I’m going to cover in this blog post just more in depth.

 Personally, I’m guilty of using self-indulgent behavior claiming it as “self-care” like I’ve gone on shopping sprees saying it was more my mental health.

A 2010 study published in JBI Library of Systematic Reviews defined self-care as "the set of activities in which one engages throughout life on a daily basis,” focusing on promoting health, preventing illness, and managing issues that come up. The key takes away I took from this is daily basis. Many professionals link self-care with routine. I think it is important to do things for your health daily but the idea of a routine seems a bit intense. However, I understand the importance of having a self-care routine I don’t think it has to be the same routine every day. Some days are busier than others and I think a self-care goal of doing 2-3 things a day for your health is good and doable goal that doesn’t seem so overwhelming. That is just my personal take if you’re more of a routine person I would say go for it, but if you’re like me small achievable goals are the best place to start.

Self-care requires that you listen to your body and give it what it’s asking for. If you’re feeling thirsty try to grab a bottle of water compared to that second can of soda that day. I’m a big soda drinker and many people have suggested that I ditch the soda and just brush the comment off. I think trading off every other soda with a water is a doable goal instead of the harsh “only water” rule that I see everywhere.

Another idea for a small change would be to move around more. Physical activity is great for your body and can benefit mental and physical health. If you’re an active person this seems obvious but some of us live a more “relaxed” lifestyle. Something that I’ve been doing to get moving more is walking to my classes instead of driving. If you’re not close enough to campus to walk to class I would suggest parking your car a little farther away to get some extra steps in.

One last tip on an easy thing to incorporate into everyday life would be to improve your health would be to start taking vitamins. I take vitamin d3 for energy and a daily once a day woman’s multivitamin. Both of those vitamins are easily found and are once a day. Once you get into the routine of taking vitamins it’s easy. One thing I did for myself to remember to take my vitamins was I put them in my line of sight when I wake up in the morning so I’m reminded of them. My sister told me she keeps her vitamins next to her coffee maker so she sees them every morning when she’s making coffee.  

Self-care is different for everyone and remember that even baby steps are steps forward!