Tips on Giving Advice

Has your friend ever come to you for advice and you just didn’t know what to say? This happened to me the other day when my friend called after she got into an argument with her boyfriend. It would have been easy for me to tell her to just break up with that loser already but I know that wasn’t what she needed to hear in that moment. This argument wasn’t relationship ending worthy it was just worthy of a talk at a later date. I made a list of things that help me give advice to other people.

Tip one: Be present. Even if you’re feeling angry or upset at the situation put those emotions aside to avoid giving rash or rushed advice. If you need a few seconds to breathe take that time to center yourself.

Tip two: Put yourself in their shoes. Imagine yourself in the same position as your friend, what would you do if you were them? For example, my friend called me because of a disagreement between her and her boyfriend over housework. If you have ever lived with a significant other or even had a roommate this is a situation you’ve probably been in. I had to let my personal bias about her boyfriend go and think about a reasonable reaction to that situation.

Tip three: Listen. Sometimes when people are asking for help, they really just need someone to vent to. Also, this isn’t a debate, you aren’t expected to always have the answers, say what you feel comfortable saying.

Tip four: Keep it conversational. I know that it is easy to get emotional when someone close to you is going through something but your anger isn’t going to help the situation at the moment. Like I said before this isn’t a debate.

Tip five: Let them lead the conversation. It can be easy to go on and on about the situation because it feels like gossip to you at the time. If they keep talking about the situation keep offering advice and or keep active listening, and if they change the subject unless you just thought of the best idea ever, talk about the new topic.

Tip six: Remember whatever choice they make is up to them. You can offer advice on what they should do but try to not take it personally if things don’t work out the way you wanted them to.

Tip seven: Sometimes it’s best to divide and conquer. When someone who is clearly upset asks me for advice, I will tell them some sugar-coated advice and if the situation requires, I’ll call or text them again later or the next day when they have calmed down and offer the more real/tough love advice. There is no reason to kick someone who is already down.

Tip eight: Give them resources to connect with someone else. It could be something as simple as oh our mutual friend had the same problem last month maybe you should ask them. Sometimes when you think your friend should seek professional help it isn't always easy to tell someone that they should seek out professional help but that one awkward conversation could change their own life, it's worth mentioning it. 

Tip nine: Be realistic. Chances are if the person who is coming to you for advice you know this person pretty well. Give them advice that you think they could actually follow and is in their comfort zone this one is case by case. In some cases you might have to suggest something that is out of character for them but I would save that as a last resort effort but use your best judgement here.

Overall, giving advice can be a tricky road to navigate but I hope these tips can help you out the next time someone comes to you for support. Please let me know if you have any tips for giving advice!